Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i think i just lost a toe
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
