that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
