Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
