Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
