I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
