ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
