fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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