Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
