i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
