i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
