good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
