Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
