btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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