In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I need to stop coming to work sober
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
