fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
