im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
