yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
In America we eat man semen.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
