xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
