she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
