Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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