Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
