Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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