Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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