I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
