fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
