i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
