her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Alive.
So much puke
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
