Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
