Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
