girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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