When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's always time for handjobs
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
