why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
