Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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