plz talk dirty to me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she looked like the before picture.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
