i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Drake has all the answers
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
