the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
