I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
