Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Less talking, more tequila
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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