I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
