drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
