did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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