I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
