If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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