Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
