The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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