how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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