Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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