Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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