it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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