I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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