I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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