you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
